I have never argued with or deny my dad anything but this was a crossroad for me. How will I give my dad a chance to take away my virginity? I couldn’t look at my dad’s face as he continued to beg me for sex.
“But why do you want to do this to me, daddy?” I asked him as tears ran through my cheeks. “You are a beautiful girl with an irresistible body.
I want to do this because I haven’t done it with your mom for a long time. She practically denies me anytime I make advances. I am starved and I know you won’t let daddy starve forever when you have the answer in between your legs”. Dad said.
Mom got promoted to the position of a branch manager and was transferred to Ibadan to head a new branch. This was what she had worked for all these years. Becoming a branch manager was her utmost dream for many years.
Mom was so happy with her new position but the transfer didn’t go well with dad and all of us. She never gave dad the opportunity to protest her transfer when she started making out her plans. Within two weeks, mom had contacted an agent in Ibadan through a colleague who got her a two-bedroom flat in the outskirts of Ibadan.
When mom left for Ibadan, I knew it was a journey to marital desolation for dad. “I don’t want to say anything because you may think I don’t want your progress. My dear, leaving your family behind at this time is not healthy”. My dad protested.
“So, what should I have done? Resign or reject the offer? The position I have labored for all through the years? God has ways of answering our prayers and this is God’s open door, I can’t afford to throw it away. Instead of you to rejoice with me, you are here talking about family.
All our children are all grown and Nike can take care of her sisters well. I will always come home for the weekend”. My mom replied as she ordered Faith and Christianah to moved her things into the waiting van.
We are surely not going to miss mom because her temporary exit from the house will give us a level of freedom and peace. We will be free from her nagging and troubles.
That night mom left for Ibadan, my dad came into my room like the other time. From his eyes, you could see lust and determination to get what he wanted. “Please daddy, don’t do this to me. I thought you said you love me? Why will you be the one to take away my virginity? Please daddy! Please daddy!! Please daddy!!!” I pleaded but all my begging fell on deaf ears as my dad forced himself into me.
It was really painful going through this evil act. He left my room without saying a word to me after he stole my virginity. My love for my dad disappeared like a vapor. My love for him turned to hatred immediately.
My loving dad became a rapist, the man I trusted all my life became a beast and a terror. My tears were thick and I could hear the loud sound they made when they dropped to the ground.
Three hours later, Dad came knocking at my door. His voice that was once a healing balm to my soul suddenly turned to a terrific sound.
The fear that gripped me when I heard his voice behind the door was frightening. “I am sorry Adenike, I am sure you know daddy loves you. Please open the door, I have a surprise for you”.
If I had a knife in my room that day, I would have committed murder. I would stab him and myself. I sobbed bitterly all through the night. I didn’t come out for three days even when my sisters came knocking.
I could see the worries on my sisters and I didn’t want them to do anything stupid, so I opened the door on the third day. Who would you blame, my dad or mom? The nightmare of what my dad did to me began to trail me.
My sisters tried all they could to find out what happened to me but how can I tell my siblings that my dad took my virginity away by force? It is a sacrilege and abomination in Yoruba land for a father to have canal knowledge of his own biological daughter.
I knew what his actions will cost the family but I can’t talk to anybody about it. I can’t manage the shame and mockery.
The thought to poison my dad began to find its way into my mind. I will kill him and free myself of the trauma of his presence. What else should I have done?
Mom could not fulfill her promise to come home every weekend. Some months, she only came once and sometimes twice. I became hostile in the house and everyone knew something was wrong but no one among my sisters was matured enough to investigate further.
I perfected my plans to poison my dad but that was not easy. On two occasions, I had planned to put the poison in his food but I would discard it again.
Seeing him got me irritated. I wished he could die of accident or one mysterious thing but none of these happened. For three months, I rarely talk to my dad even though we lived under the same roof.
All the time mom visited, she never suspected anything because I put up pretentious attitudes that looked like all was well.
I will enter my shell again as soon as she returns back to Ibadan. Dad became depressed because of the happenings around. Nike that used to be his close friend became his enemy.
My siblings started withdrawing from him because they saw me withdrew too. Dad became an addicted drunkard. He started going to clubhouses just to suppress his depression. I pitied him and talked to him casually.
Life returned back to him and he began to pick up again. But our relationship had gone sour. He was buying me different gifts just to pacify me but all that was nothing. My desire to take his life got stronger by the day.
I was losing concentration in school because of what my dad did to me.
On a Sunday morning in church, Pastor gave a powerful sermon on “Forgiveness”. He highlighted seven reasons why forgiveness will do you good than whom you are forgiving.
The sermon was so touching that I had no option than to dropped my murderous plans. Our pastor made an altar call for those who needed the grace to forgive those who had hurt them. I jumped out and he prayed for us.
The prayer was like lifting a heavy rock load off my chest. I became light and free.
I wished I could die that moment and just go to heaven straight to rest from the troubles of this world. I got home that day and prepared my dad’s favorite food just to communicate my forgiveness to him.
Adenike, I am grateful you have forgiven me; he held my hands as I served him his food to whisper to my ear.